December 6, 1960. This date means more to me than to anyone else I know. Why? Because it's my birthday. And if you’re good at math, you’ll note that this means I just turned the ripe young age of 60!
Big birthdays are a great time to take stock of where you are in life and of what you’re excited about looking ahead. Having gained some wisdom after all those solar rotations, I’d like to share six of my most important insights for living a rich life, gained one decade at a time. Unsurprisingly, these insights also underscore much of my philosophy as a coach. Here goes…
Decade 1: Family and Community are everything: Nurture yours and build new ones.
Family and community, given or created, are what anchors us in abundance. The richest parts of life typically extend from the communities we keep and the love and connections we share. It isalwaysa good time to take stock of the people around you (not just on birthdays), so give these questions a try...
ASK YOURSELF: Who matters most to me, personally and professionally? Make a list of these people. Next to each name write a brief statement about why each person matters. Is there something you can do in the next month that would enrich or deepen these relationships? If so, do it.
Decade 2: Being yourself is the only option.
The hardest and most rewarding experience of my life was coming out. Happily, this journey of self-acceptance was also my journey to fully appreciating and accepting others. And when you’re open to the diversity and differences in the people around you, you’re open to more and more of what life has to offer.
RECOMMENDATION: If you've never read The Four Agreements, now is a perfect time to discover it. This little book (8 million copies sold!) provides a simple "code of conduct" based on ancient Toltec wisdom to help us overcome limiting beliefs and to express ourselves fully. It may sound woo-woo, but I assure you these four concepts can be game-changing.
Decade 3: From adversity comes opportunity.
My third decade was dominated by the AIDS crisis. Fortunately, the coming together of the gay community in that crisis led to a flowering of opportunities to create new things for the community. So I started an LGBTQ travel business that was one of my greatest adventures. Skip to today: We are living through a huge moment of societal challenge, but on the other side of it will emerge new opportunities, if we’re open to seeing them and to embracing change.
ASK YOURSELF: What opportunities are revealing themselves to me these days? What skills, interests or passions have I been able to explore in recent months because of the changes around me? What do I want more of in my life, and how might I grab some of it in the months ahead?
Decade 4: Your story is always being written. Get uncomfortable in the writing.
No story is more important than your own. When one chapter isn’t working, you can edit it and start a new one. After selling my company in my fourth decade, I struggled (for several years!)to come up with what was next. Looking back, that challenging time also included some of the most interesting twists and turns imaginable (discovering Burning Man, riding my bike from San Francisco to LA, working in refugee camps in remote Kenya…). It’s a lot easier to play it safe than to take a leap. But the growth and adventure that happens when we get uncomfortable always ends up being worth it.
Recommendation: Watch “Dear Therapist” author and psychologist Lori Gottleib’s TED talk on How Changing Your Story Can Change Your Life
Decade 5: You control your mind. Not the other way around.
It took me a long time to discover the power of meditation, which has been a subtle but very helpful addition to my life. Meditation helps me keep things in perspective and stay anchored when the swirl of life gets intense. There are so many ways to cultivate awareness, presence and calm: meditation, yoga, gardening, crafting, swimming. I encourage you to find yours. We live in a wild world, so the more practice you can get slowing down enough to be present to the moment, the better the wild ride will be.
Recommendation: Tim Ferriss is one of my favorite interviewers. His recent podcast interview with Dan Harris, founder of “Ten Percent Happier”, is a terrific conversation about the power of meditation to improve our lives.
Decade 6: We are nature and nature is us.
New York City has been my longest-running love affair. It’s diverse. It’s always changing. It’s colorful. And it’s full of magic. Coincidentally, those same qualities have been pulling me deeper and deeper into the world of nature (which includes my NYC rooftop garden) over the past decade. I'm still early in this discovery, and my hunch is that the Covid-19 pandemic has led many others to re-connect with nature.
Recommendation: The best book I’ve read in the past five years is The Overstory, by Richard Powers. A sweeping human drama, it is also about … trees. It won the Pulitzer Prize. It runs ~500 pages long. And it’s totally absorbing. It very well may transform you.
Life is rich, and your number of years doesn't matter ... as long as you're continuously creating an evolving you. Reach out if you or someone you know is transforming into something new that might benefit from a conversation with me.
Big love,
David