“Confidence is a result, not a requirement."
Now slow down and really absorb that idea: Confidence is a result, not a requirement.
This is one of my favorite phrases when it comes to stepping into something new, scary or uncertain. It's a concept I share with almost all of my clients at some point in their journeys, because the work of growth and expansion always requires stepping into something new, where confidence isn’t yet fully in place.
Everyone has had a moment of thinking “I can’t do this because I’m not confident enough yet.” … “I can’t share my idea because I’m not sure it’s good enough yet.” … “I can’t join that work/social gathering because I’m not as accomplished as those other people yet.”
The problem with this thinking is obvious: How can we get confident enough without immersing ourselves in the first place? So we have to commit to researching, practicing, discussing and, especially, engaging with the thing we’re unsure of until we eventually begin to feel more confident.
Fundamentally, the only confidence we ever need in life is the confidence to believe that we will, eventually, figure things out and get better at doing them. Fortunately each of us has a lifetime of experience doing just that. You couldn’t read until you began trying to read. You couldn’t get a part in a school play or on a school sports team unless you tried out at your current skill level. You couldn’t sing or play a difficult song until you spent time playing an easier one. You couldn’t get your very first job unless you prepared to tell your best story and then applied.
I recently read a terrific book called Show Your Work, by Austin Kleon. His core idea is that you have to be willing to play before you feel ready so that you can get the feedback and engagement that will support your move to mastery. While it’s primarily written for creative types, it’s truly applicable to anyone who is trying to do something and is not yet at a place of full confidence. He says:
"Be an amateur. Amateurs are not afraid to make mistakes or look ridiculous in public. They’re in love [with what they’re exploring], so they don’t hesitate to do work that others think of as silly or just plain stupid. ... On the spectrum of creative work, the difference between the mediocre and the good is vast. Mediocrity is, however, still on the spectrum; you can move from mediocre to good in increments. The real gap is between doing nothing and doing something."
So next time you find yourself holding back because you don’t feel confident enough, remember that anyone you’re comparing yourself to was at your same spot at some point. It’s just that they have had more time to engage with that thing, and to gain confidence as a result.
Get busy. Try something when you’re not feeling ready. Share an idea that’s not fully baked but that you’re excited about. Ask questions. Open yourself up to feedback. You’ll be amazed how quickly your confidence will grow!