I hate to admit it, but I can be “judgy” at times. Sometimes this means judging others with little evidence for my assessment. Sometimes it’s judging a situation before understanding it. And worst of all, it’s judging myself, usually harshly and reflexively.

Releasing all of these kinds of judgement has been an intention and a practice of mine for a long time, yet I still have more work to do.

Why do we judge? Because we believe (falsely) that our judgements will distance or protect us from things we don’t like or don’t want. One of my past coaches summed it up when he explained that we judge people and things when we A) see qualities that we don’t like in ourselves or B) see qualities that we fear we may be capable of ourselves.

I remember way back when I was still in the gay closet. I carried a lot of judgement towards other gay people who I thought were too “out there” in their self-expression. I was afraid that I might be like them. I’m not at all proud of that phase. But when I found my way to releasing those judgements, I found a way to fully loving myself. Or perhaps it was the other way around.

The thing I’ve come to realize is that the weight of carrying judgement is a very heavy load. It closes you off from possibility and connection and expansion. It prevents you from standing in someone else’s shoes, or seeing a situation from a different perspective. You don’t have to like everything around you, but meeting unfamiliar, irritating or unpleasant things with curiosity rather than judgement allows you to evaluate more fairly and to carry your assessments more lightly.

My practice, especially when meeting new people or entering new environments, is to raise my awareness of any judgement that arises, and to replace it with curiosity instead. It makes everything lighter and easier, and it allows me the time and space to consider things more fully.

I’m far from perfect in this regard, but I sure feel a lot lighter than I did in my judgier days.