At age 18 (see wild-haired image, above), I had to submit a quote for my high school senior yearbook. You know: A line from a song or book or poem that summarized your ‘life view,' capturing how wise you were in your late teens. I picked a line from an obscure Billy Joel song called “James” that was more aspirational for me than accurate at the time. The quoted line?

“Do what’s good for you, or you’re not good for anybody.”

When I chose those words, I imagine I was challenging myself to be different than I actually was. You see, in addition to being a bit of spoiled prince in my family, more than that I was a pleaser. I was naturally sensitive to other people’s moods and needs, and I always wanted to help. I also wanted people to like me, and pleasing them was a surefire way to get love and admiration.

But what I sensed then and know now is that pleasing others at your own expense is a surefire way to smash into your upper limits. I see this with clients who are afraid to ask for or go for what they want because they are stuck trying to please others. This might look like devoting too much time caring for family members; too much attention placed on the needs of your team members; or too much willingness to bend to the desires of friends. Whatever the situation, when we put other people’s needs ahead of our own, we risk diminishing ourselves and failing to find the happiness and abundance that, in actuality, allows us to truly be there for others.

So take a look at your work colleagues, your friendships, and your key familial relationships and see if you can notice where you are de-prioritizing your needs to theirs. See if you can understand how this might be undermining your own happiness or growth. And most of all, see if you can take the risk of putting your needs at the top of your list so that, once met, you can be at your best service to others.