It’s Valentine's Day. A good moment to share my high-level thoughts on The Five Love Languages, a 1992 self-help book by Gary Chapman whose approach has seen a resurgence of interest in recent years.

The short version of the book goes like this: We all have preferences for how we want to receive love from others, and we show our love in those same preferred ways. Relationship trouble happens when our partner is wired differently, preferring different ways to give and receive love. The result: Despite our best efforts, our showings of love do not land with the impact we intend, and we don’t receive another’s show of love as intended for us.

Eek. Not good.

The 5 Love Languages, according to Chapman, are 1. Words of Affirmation (compliments), 2. Quality Time, 3. Receiving Gifts, 4. Acts of Service, and 5. Physical Touch. You can learn your Love Language quickly by taking this quiz. https://lnkd.in/egS3PiUh

The reason I love the Love Languages concept – despite pushback from some, who call it pseudo-science – is that it speaks to the communications challenge we all face periodically when our way of connecting to or supporting someone else is not received the way we intend, or vice versa. Our best efforts fall flat.

The hard reality is that it’s not enough to have our preferred way to connect, to help out, to show support. We must also understanding how the other person (friend, lover, colleague) wants or needs to receive support or connection. When we understand both sides, relationships of all kinds can deepen and thrive.

So this Valentine's Day, think about what matters to you when others connect. And if there is someone important in your life, discover where you are aligned or misaligned so that you can start making the little accommodations that will make a big difference.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, my core love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. 😁