Transitions are a big focus of my coaching practice. Mastering them is a game-changer. I’m thrilled to share that I’ve just completed the world’s first certification in Transitional Intelligence (TQ)—a groundbreaking program from MEA.
According to transitions expert Bruce Feiler, author of Life is in the Transitions, we experience a significant transition every 12-18 months (that's a lot of transitions in one life!). These shifts—whether voluntary or not— commonly involve changes in career, relationships, health, identity or living situation. Even more intense are “Lifequakes,” a period of profound change when multiple transitions collide. I’m in the middle of my own Lifequake right now, with all that’s wrapped up in my move from NYC to Santa Fe. It’s both super exciting and super challenging.
Transitions force us to discern what matters most, to reassess who we are or want to be, and to rely on our wisdom and our community to move forward. This TQ certification has deepened my understanding of these shifts that occur regularly in work and life, and below, I share some of the most valuable tools from the transitions playbook.
Knowing Your Success Scripts
Early in life we are given clear ideas of what “success” means and how to achieve it. These so-called Success Scripts – Study hard, Be nice, Make money, Don’t be too loud – shape how we approach life. But when success scripts are no longer aligned with your evolving values, priorities or interests, you need to rewrite them. Understanding your past and current success scripts is super useful in navigating any transition.
Doing An Identity Inventory
Each of us is a mix of identities, some given, some chosen and some innate. Like success scripts, our identities can be helpful at some points in life, and less useful – or even detrimental – at others. When navigating transitions, it’s important to understand how your different identities are propelling you forward or holding you back. Embracing the right identity mix will always make transitions easier.
Mastering The Transition Timeline
No two transition look alike, but all have an ending, a middle, and a new beginning. Mastering each stage takes different skills. Personally, I’m great at endings (I'm comfortable letting go) but I struggle with the messy middle (I like control, and I hesitate to ask for help) and new beginnings (I don’t love being an unskilled beginner). It’s helpful to recognize where you are on your journey of transition, and to master the skills needed to move through each stage.
Choosing Your Story
When it comes to navigating a transition, how you tell your story is immensely important. We can tell our story in so many different ways, without ever bending or stretching the truth. It’s important to be thoughtful about which parts of your story you want to emphasize and which you want to minimize or leave out altogether. I’m amazed by what a difference a well-told story can make in helping you get to the other side of a change.
Finding Your Throughline
Transitions are a break with things that came before. There is immense power in finding the throughline that weaves your chapters together. When you can see a thread from where you were to where you are going, it feels a lot less scary to take forward steps.
Building Connection and Community
Every transition is better when done with the support of others. Most of us are willing to lend support and pay it forward, especially when the ask for support is clear. But truth is, when facing a transition you may find yourself hesitant to seek support, fearing you'll be a burden or exposing yourself as needy. I can't state enough how much better transitions are when you trust that others will help, thoughtfully tap into your networks, and let community pave your path forward.
Asking Powerful Questions
Times of change will always thrust you into uncharted territory. To find your way forward, you have to get curious. And to meet curiosity, you have to ask great questions. There is a real art to asking questions, from the structure (ie: open vs closed) to the intention behind the ask. I love helping clients become more skillful and intentional about their questions, and watching them propel forward even faster with this golden tool.
Reframing Limiting Beliefs
Everyone bumps up against limiting beliefs, and especially during times of transition. So it’s important to recognize when a thought is stopping you from moving forward and through change. There are a common set of limiting beliefs that we almost all face at one time or another. "I'm not ready yet." "I don't want to look foolish." "I'm afraid to shine too bright." And so on. The key is to catch these thoughts when they pop up, and reframe them in alignment with what you hope to achieve. My go-to resource for breaking through limiting beliefs is The Big Leap. Check it out if this upper limit concept sounds familiar.